This is my favourite picture from the project.
SHANNON KISS IT!
 Shannon guides us through 10 years of key moments in her own words
 Photography by Abbie Trayler-Smith, text by Shannon Walton
  • My first love and now my last, taken on a family day out at Rother Valley.
  • This is a walk I took Abbie on around the neighbourhood. This is near one of the bus stops I would have to stand at to catch the bus anywhere, but I would avoid going inside as people could enter the bus stop either side.
  • Walking to school preparing for the day ahead of bullying. Many times I had been bullied and taunted from either side standing there
  • The two people who have always been by my side – my rocks, Mum and Kieran.
  • I can’t believe Abbie wrote this on her own exercise book at school. Everyone doodles but seeing this, to feel so low in yourself to have to write fat on your own book, makes me feel so sad.
  • Looking back at this I remember how shattered my confidence was and how upset I felt receiving this message, but things like this have helped me grow as a young, confident woman. I now look at messages like this or hear comments made and I laugh, because I have bigger worries in my life than shallow people.
  • Naked happiness, my own room, my own space with my own shape. But also another day of a dark world that I was living in. Thinking about the life I want to live and the friends I have always wanted.
  • Spending time with friends, listening to music, chatting about boys and putting the world to rights.
One of mine and Abbie’s fave pics! Not long before this picture was taken, I had had the tat on my bum saying ‘KISS IT’; I had it done as a F*** YOU to all the bullies and people who doubted me in my life. I was gaining confidence; I was happy again. My life was going in the right direction and I could see progress in the near distance. THIS WAS ME, this was the person I have always dreamed of becoming.
  • Everyone who is overweight at some point has their family tell them they need to lose weight, but for Abbie’s dad to draw a picture and leave it for her on the table is heartbreaking.
  • Abbie’s diary again. I do feel sometimes that family members are too harsh. I understand they want what is best for you, but because they are family, they seem to go about it the wrong way. I do understand though why people who love us do it.
  • 2014, the year I opted into a research project to have a saline-filled silicon balloon placed into my stomach for six months to help me in my weight-loss dream. I had just arrived on the ward after coming from theatre and recovery and all I wanted was my mum. I felt drained, sick and so poorly.
  • This is real. A young girl wearing any underwear she could find. I feel that plus-size underwear sets always have a larger bust; it’s like the manufacturers expect that because you are a size 20+, your bust is going to be on the larger side. This is not the case, more so for a young woman who hasn’t bloomed fully. Friends used to wear matching Primark underwear sets, but me being plus-size I was never able to match.
  • Abbie’s crush wrote this in her leavers’ book at school, wow. Teenagers are the worst type of people!
  • My first ever spray tan – the preparation begins for prom, both physically and mentally.
This was a month or two after my operation. I was positive, happy with my weight loss and enthusiastic about my future. However, not long after this I become unwell with the balloon, I kept vomiting and could not keep anything down other than liquids and pureed food. My world started to crumble, I was doing so well and was so positive. I lost loads of weight when I was ill with the balloon, but it was not a healthy way.
  • On the way home from prom-dress shopping, feeling confident in the dress I had chosen, topping up my lipstick.
  • I remember this picture; I was waiting for my friends to meet me before a trip to Meadowhall. I felt so nice in my outfit and was looking forward to a nice day out.
  • Mum’s nail salon in the kitchen, because I hated the prom nails I had paid to have done. Stress and emotions were high that day, the day before prom.
  • On the way to prom, laughing and dancing with friends who I imagined at this moment would be around forever. Little did I know we would all grow apart, but the memories still stay with me to this day.
One of my favourite photos. I had built myself up for this day for over a year. Knowing everybody will be looking at each other’s dresses and knowing that I wouldn’t be able to hide away. This shows the real me, laughing and joking with friends. This is how I imagined my prom to be and why I built up the confidence to attend.
  • We have all been there… writing down an exercise or diet chart to ‘stick to’ when in reality we put it up and carry them out for a day or two. For motivation – or to try and stop people from nagging us about losing weight?
  • Sassiness is best served with friends!
  • Another big change for me in my appearance, a new hairdo! Red, big, bold and bright to express my bold, confident and bubbly personality.
  • One of my fave places to be…THE TATTOO AND PIERCING SHOP! Tattoos and piercings made me feel like me. They were a way for me to express myself.
  • A sunny day out in Castleton with the family, but before we leave there is always time for a selfie!
  • This photo makes me smile every time I see it: mother and daughter time in our matching nightwear doing what we do best – laughing!
A day at the spa. We are all women of all shapes and sizes. If I want to stand and dry my hair in my underwear in the public changing room, I will!
  • Feeling myself!
  • Nothing better than a lazy day, in my PJs, catching up with friends on social media.
  • This is Abbie’s diary from when she was 14. I know that feeling well. Feeling useless, worthless and like everybody hates you for your weight. Letting your weight take over who you really are. This hits home; this was the worst time of my life.
  • Birthday preparation, people arriving early, and I wasn’t even ready! Always time for a cig and a moan!
My 19th birthday party at home. Alcohol always makes somebody cry, nothing a cuddle can’t fix.
  • A rose between two thorns. Another family day out.
  • Preparation for a night on the town begins!
  • A few years after the ‘Kiss it!’ tattoo I wanted to spruce it up more and have some big plump red lips added to emphasise the new attitude I had towards my new life.
  • At this point in my life I had moved out of my family home and was living with a friend. I was lying in my bed with the sun on my face making phone calls to arrange a girl’s night out. What more could a girl ask for?
People call it a girls’ night, but I call this therapy. Smiling even though my feet are hurting from all the dancing.
  • Drunken giggly phone calls on the way home from…
  • Oh… hi, neighbours!
Seeing this picture always makes me smile, it’s me, the place I am the freest. I am at my happiest; I feel confident, loved, in love, independent and ambitious.
  • Family is not always by blood; it’s the people in your life who want you in theirs.
  • If two people are meant to be together, eventually they’ll find their way back! In awe that after eight years I can love this man even more than I did the first time. Laughter is the key to the heart and the best medicine. My happiest place and the place I feel most safe… my man’s arms!
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Photography Abbie Trayler-Smith
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