This is my favourite picture from the project.
  • My 1st love and now my last, taken on a family day out at Rother Valley.
  • This is a walk I took Abbie on around the neighbourhood. This is near one of the bus stops I would have to stand in to catch the bus anywhere, but I would avoid going inside as people could enter the bus stop either side.
  • Walking to school preparing for the day ahead of bullying. Many times I had been bullied and taunted from either side standing there.
  • The two people who have always been by my side – My rocks, Mum and Kieran.
  • Abbie’s school exercise book, 1990.
  • Looking back at this I remember how shattered my confidence was and how upset I felt receiving this message but things like this have helped me grow as a young, confident woman. I now look at messages like this or hear comments made and I laugh because I have bigger worries in my life than shallow people.
  • Naked happiness, my own room, my own space with my own shape. But also another day of a dark world that I was living in. Thinking about the life I want to live and the friends I have always wanted.
  • Spending time with friends, listening to music, chatting about boys and putting the world to rights.
One of mine and Abbie’s fave pics! Not long before this picture was taken I had the tat on my bum saying ‘KISS IT’ I had this done as a F*** YOU to all the bullies and people who doubted me in my life. I was gaining confidence, I was happy again, my life was going in the right direction and I could see progress in the near distance. THIS WAS ME, this was the person I have always dreamed of becoming.
  • Abbie’s Diary, 1992.
  • Abbie’s Diary, 1992
  • 2014, the year I opted into a research project to have a saline filled silicon balloon placed into my stomach for a total of 6 months to help me in my weight loss dream. I had just arrived on the ward after coming from theatre recovery and all I wanted was my mum. I felt drained, sick and so poorly.
  • This is real. A young girl wearing any underwear she could find. I feel that Plus size underwear sets always have a larger bust, it’s like the manufactures expect because you are a size 20+, your bust is going to be on the larger side, this is not the case, more so for a young woman who hasn’t bloomed fully yet. Friends wearing matching Primark underwear sets but me being plus size never being able to match.
  • Abbies autograph book from Junior School, 1989
  • My 1st ever spray tan – the preparation begins for prom, both physically and mentally.
This was a month or two after my operation, I was positive, happy with my weight loss and enthusiastic about my future. However not long after this I become unwell with the balloon, I kept vomiting and could not keep anything down other than liquids and pureed food. My world started to crumble, I was doing so well and was so positive. I lost loads of weight when I was ill with the balloon, but it was not a healthy way.
  • On the way home from prom dress shopping feeling confident in the dress I chose, topping up my lipstick.
  • I remember this picture, I was waiting for my friends to meet me before a trip to Meadowhall, I felt so nice in my outfit and was looking forward to a nice day out.
  • Mums nail salon in the kitchen because I hated my prom nails, I paid to have done, Stress and emotions were high this day, the day before prom.
  • On the way to prom, laughing and dancing with friends who I imagined at this moment would be around forever. Little did I know we would all grow apart but the memories still stay with me to this day.
One of my favourite photos. I had built myself up for this day for over a year. Knowing everybody will be looking at each other’s dresses and knowing that I wouldn’t be able to hide away. This shows the real me, laughing and joking with friends. This is how I imagined my prom to be and why I built up the confidence to attend.
  • Exercise Plan.
  • Sassiness is best served with friends!
  • Another big change for me in my appearance, a new hairdo! RED, big, bold and bright to express my bold, confident and bubbly personality.
  • One of my fave places to be…THE TATTOO AND PIERCING SHOP! Tattoos and piercings made me feel like me. They were a way for me to express myself.
  • A sunny day out in Castleton with the family, but before we leave there is always time for a selfie!
  • This photo makes me smile every time I see it: Mother and daughter time in our matching night wear doing what we do best – laughing!
A day at the spa. We are all women of all shapes and sizes, If I want to stand and dry my hair in my underwear in the public changing room I will!
  • Feeling myself!
  • Nothing better than a lazy day, in my pjs, catching up with friends on social media.
  • Abbie’s Teenage Diary, 1991.
  • Birthday preparation, people arriving early, and I wasn’t even ready! Always time for a cig and a moan!
My 19th birthday party at home, Alcohol always makes somebody cry, nothing a cuddle can’t fix.
  • A rose between two thorns. Another family day out.
  • A night on the town’s preparation begins!
  • A few years after the KISS IT tattoo I wanted to spruce it up more and have some big plump red lips added to emphasise the new attitude I had towards my new life.
  • At this point in my life I had moved out of my family home and was living with a friend, laid in my bed with the sun on my face making phone calls to arrange a girl’s night out. what more could a girl ask for!
People call it a girl’s night, but I call this therapy. Smiling even though my feet are hurting from all the dancing.
  • Drunken giggly phone calls on the way home from…
  • Oh…Hi neighbours!
Seeing this picture always makes me smile, it’s me, the place I am the freest. I am at my happiest, I feel confident, loved, in love, independent and ambitious.
  • Family is not always by blood, it’s the people in your life who want you in theirs.
  • If two people are meant to be together, eventually they’ll find their way back! In awe that after 8 years I can love this man even more than I did the first time. Laughter is the key to the heart and the best medicine. My happiest place and the place I feel most safe…my mans arms!
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Photography Abbie Trayler-Smith
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